“Your culture is one large advertisement for how to treat yourself to the life you deserve. Whether you actually deserve it or not.”
Pigs in Heaven, Barbara Kingsolver
I was struck by this statement one rainy afternoon curled up on my bed reading books. I had just left the kitchen where I had a conversation with my roommate that basically can be summed up by the slogans of my millennial generation: You do you. Treat yo self. Follow your heart. If it feels right to you, then it is right.
These slogans were her thoughtful response to my frustrations of feeling useless and underutilized at work and my decision to take off early instead of waste my time sitting in the hot and stifling office. I listened to her advice and a part of me soaked it in, feeling justified in my decision. Like a sponge, I soaked up the water of self-assuredness and resolve. I went back to my bedroom only to read these words and have all the water swiftly squeezed out of my sponge by the hands of an experienced mother cleaning yet another sink full of yesterday’s dirty dishes.
After years of traveling and living in other countries, I have been exposed to numerous different cultures and worldviews that have challenged my own beliefs and continue to remind me to question my own culture and its value system.
America is a country of fierce individualism and values the power and possibility presented by the unique self. America is a culture that celebrates carving out your own path and that conviction has served well to foster creativity, innovation and harness countless opportunities per one’s personal experience and skills, but it is also a culture of trade-offs, a culture of gain and loss. For all that we have gained by striving and thriving as individuals, we have in many regards lost the value of connection and togetherness.
If I am always doing me, am I actually helping to create a better community? A better nation? A better world? If I am always treating myself, am I actually treating others? If I am always following my heart, is it actually telling me the truth? If I am doing what feels right for me, is it actually right for others as well?
I am afraid that this self-centered mindset, often defended under the guise of spirituality, is actually not in line with the ultimate good. A truth that would make most of us uncomfortable. All the world’s major religions share some unifying messages, and the particular one that I keep coming back to is the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
I feel as if we are getting this half-right, but we are somehow still missing the complete message. We want others to treat us well. But in the mean time we decide to treat ourselves, others are simply taking too long. When do we start treating others with at least as much love as we show ourselves? When will our hearts lead us to serving others before ourselves? When will what is right for us, as individuals, be what is right for us as a collective?
Don’t get me wrong, I see the value in self-care, in treating oneself with respect, love and honor. An empty cup cannot be poured out to fill another’s, but that isn’t the self-love I see promoted by so many today. The self-love I see is extravagant, indulgent and arrogantly exudes the greed so often credited, rightfully so, to my country. But here is where the second part of the quote comes in, “Whether you actually deserve it or not.”
So, what is our answer? Do we deserve our hearts’ every desire? To properly answer that I think we must seriously question whether in striving for and achieving our hearts’ desires, how do we affect others. In honoring our heart first, are we consciously or unconsciously causing others harm? In constantly treating ourselves, are we preserving the earth that we will one day hand over to the next generation? Is our own personal good adding to the ultimate good, or detracting from it?
If we are going to be a generation that lives by the guidance of individual hearts and desperately follows a million unique paths that are subject to “feelings” alone, then these are questions we can no longer ignore. The brilliant feminist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, reminds us that:
“Cultures don’t create people, people create cultures.”
I’m stuck wondering if the Treat Yo Self culture that we’ve created and continue to live within, is a culture that we want to continue unchallenged? I for one, don’t.
What are your thoughts? Be sure to leave a comment, stay connected and as always, let the adventures continue!
Based off original post found here.