I’ve had something on my mind for a while. Not just my mind, but also my heart. I have been reading, thinking, discussing and ruminating on the complex issues of race. And with the current state of things in my country, how could I not?
Systematic oppression is suffocating People of Color (POC) in America. It is the reason black men unjustly and unequally fill our jails. The struggles and oppression of black women remain hidden. Oppression continues to disenfranchise Latinas/Latinos through economic and environmental violence. The model minority myth entraps Asian-American (wo)men in low social mobility and institutional exclusion. And the atrocities committed against Indigenous Americans continue to strip dignity and health from the communities that called America home long before 1776.
Systematic racism is a disease that is draining the life from our vibrant country. It is something that people (especially white people) feel uncomfortable addressing. But also something we absolutely need to keep talking about.
The healing and unity we desperately need is not an easy road. It takes an enormous step in humility and forgiveness. I am asking that we [white people] as a community take a major dose of the first. And with time and recognized steps in sincerity, it shall be our hope to receive more of the second.
These are the two calls to action for humility that are essential for us to take:
- Seek to understand before you seek to be understood
- Seek to listen before you seek to be heard
I am speaking directly to white people here. Yes, there are universal truths in these calls to action, but that is not why I present them. I present them with the very pointed purpose for white people to implement them.
Aggressively Embracing Humility
Our country is changing. The old power structures are being revealed as unjust, oppressive and damaging to us all. A change and demand for a new balance of power is at hand. And that leaves some—after the past elections made clear, many—white people feeling lost and threatened.
This blog isn’t about addressing the validity of this fear. And it is not about justifying it. There are others that address these narratives and stories. I think it is essential we continue to hear from sides we [hippie liberal snowflakes] don’t understand, but this is not a blog about that. Check out particularly books and articles such as Hillbilly Elegy and Hate Didn’t Elect Trump; People Did. I encourage you to explore that side of the story (even if you disagree…especially if you disagree) as well, but that’s not what this blog is about.
Instead, this blog post is a call for white people to aggressively embracing humility in hopes of moving one step closer to healing and unity.
When we engage in interracial conversations and relationships, humility must be our firm commitment. We long have had our thoughts, feelings and desires placed first. We have long had our voices heard. A new perspective and a new voice is long overdue.
I can imagine some kneejerk reactions to this. But when will it be my turn again?
Fear keeps us living small. Fear keeps us from dreaming bigger.
Allowing another the space to be understood and heard does not detract from our own experiences. It shines new light to the world we share. By taking up our new role POC can have space to be seen, understood and heard. We enter our necessary role as the humble supporter. We gain our role as a listener. As an ally. As a follower in search of unity and peace.
Humility must be our firm commitment.
Stepping into my Role as Listener First, a Process
It is one thing to call for humility and then an entirely other to actually practice it in our everyday lives. The interesting paradox of humility is also that as soon as we recognize it, we begin to congratulate ourselves and automatically lose it.
I share the following story not to highlight my mastery in humility. I am far from a master. Instead, it is to recognize the challenge of stepping into a new role. But despite the challenge, to highlight that it is essential to a future of unity and justice.
I recently had a quarrel with two friends of color that caught me by surprise. It caught me off guard when I was told that I had caused pain and insult to my two friends. I was shocked to hear that I had made insensitive comments over the past few weeks that had built walls between myself and my friends.
As I read my friend’s message I felt like I was reading a jury ruling and I was unquestionably guilty. And do you know the initial reaction I wanted to go through with? I wanted to speak up, to defend myself. My side of the story was untold, I wanted my to be heard. I wanted my friends to understand I hadn’t meant to hurt them. Didn’t it count that I was trying?
I won’t lie and say I was a perfect listener immediately. At first, I said a thing or two, but then I felt a strong conviction. I felt like all I was supposed to say was sorry and then keep quiet so I could listen. There was more I wanted to explain, but it wasn’t my turn. There was more I wanted to explore to relieve my own discomfort, but it wasn’t my turn.
My role had switched. I wasn’t supposed to lead the conversation. I was to humbly embrace my new role and seek to understand. The most important thing became me listening to my friends’ experience and hurt. Not share my own.
Finding Support While Staying Humble
Now, before I finish, I am not saying that I never worked through my emotions and own hurt. Feelings, whether they are based in reality or our own perceptions, are still extremely powerful. If we completely ignore them and try to grin and bear it, we will harbor hurt and eventually it will erupt.
But listen my dear white friends, there are some spaces our feelings and hurts do not need to be voiced. Ever. When we are with our friends of color and they are sharing their own experiences in the wake of a racially based injustice, then it is not our turn. I would dare say that anytime our kneejerk reaction is to defend ourselves or that we need to explain, then it is not our turn.
Yes, we need space to work through our feelings, but be sure it is the right space. I suggest discussing these feelings with other white communities that will understand your struggle, and yet remind you of how it fits into the bigger picture of race, justice and oppression. I suggest identifying a few key friends and mentors that can hold this safe space for you and continually support your growth.
The healing and unity we desperately need is not an easy road. It takes an enormous step in humility and forgiveness. Once again, I will plead with my white community, it is time we take a life-saving dose of the former and earnestly seek the latter.
For more on finding purpose and embracing a new role, I highly suggest Christena Cleveland’s blog. It is based in Christianity, but I think that people from all faith traditions and world views can find some universal truth and insight from it.